Step 33 - Teaching Pigs To Fly & Pushing On Strings
This Lesson teaches how to manage individuals, with whom we have conflict of interest and who are not teachable.
Walking through life, we will inevitably encounter individuals with whom we will have interests of conflict. They may do things that run against our interest to get the good life and in most cases we will sit down with them to resolve the conflict.
If we sit down with them, we will find out, that people can generally be divided in two kinds of people, so called pigs and innocent ignorants.
Innocent ignorants are individuals, who might not know, but they are willing to learn and adjust their behavior to convincing and reasonable argumentation.
On the other side there are people who don't know, yet they are not willing to learn. These people are called pigs and they belong to the worst people we will find in life. They are by definition not teachable, because they are not willing to accept information from outside their cognitive view. And no matter how hard we try to change those peoples minds, they first become defensive and ultimately offensive against you.
We shouldn't try to teach a pig to fly, because we can't do it and it bothers the pig.
Whenever someone bothers us, we have a choice. We can sit down with them and teach them. If they understand, they might not be a pig.
Maybe someone in your life is ruining your happiness and you have a choice. You can try to sit down with them and teach them. If he accepts, he might not be a pig.
On the other hand a pig is somebody who doesn't know and doesn't want to learn and we must be separating the pigs from the innocent ignorants, if we do not want to draw false conclusions.
On a side note Jesus Christ said to not give our pearls to swine, because they will eat them and turn then to us and bite us.
Similarly if we inject our limited energy to help ignorant people, it is like we are giving them our pearls, the things in our brain, the knowledge which we acquired through hard and painful experience and we are trying to pass it to them. And Jesus Christ and Allan Nation both say the same thing: Don't do it.
Because the more you help pigs, the meaner they get. And this might lead you to conclude that you won't help people anymore.
So where is the fine line to decide, when to persevere on them and when to quit them? Where is the fine line between impatience and too much patience? We might never know where the line is, but for sure we better find it using the Serenity Pryer, before our dreams die.
Serenity Prayer: "God grand me the serenity to accept the things I can't change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom know the difference."
And to be wise, we have to use more than one tool, because the opposite of wise is just using one tool. We should not only conquer people, but also seduce them.
Pigs need their own time line. We have to meet them willing and ready and let the other ones get through their own paths, until they have the necessary pain to listen. And the only way to move pigs, is to cause them pain and discomfort, by withholding food or salary or calling them out, making them feel bad, embarassing them. If we then on the other side control the rewards of the pigs, the food and salary, we can cause them to go where we want them to go. But it must be with their own time line.
To move pigs we have to become more persuasive and let time do the rest. And every once in a while there is a time, when you meet a pig, that doesn't come. That is resistant. And you got to cut them out.
Get rid of one friend a year, because some people are never going to align with you. And there is no solution to that.
Side notes
Side note 1: The good thing about hard work is, you are always hungry and you are always tired.
Side note 2: The acquisition of knowledge is not as important as the application of knowledge. You've got to do both.
Side note 3: Process is listening first, contemplating next and application last.
Questions
What is an example of a person that is never going to come around and be able to be taught?
I call him B. It's hard to crack him, since he doesn't really take the time to listen. He is not a bad person, just an epicurean guy, who things that he got all the knowledge he needs in school and who feels entitled for results, without really deserving it, then blaming circumstances for the missing results. He has definitely his ups, but unteachability is one of his downs.
How are you going to go about cutting them out of your life?
I won't cut them out of my life, because I have them close to my heart. I know it goes against the "odds" of getting the good life, but I am socially wired that way to care for them a couple of more chances. I am also aware, that I am breaking the first of the 67 rules regarding adaptability, since I stick to this person, although past experience shows that he is probably a mistake. But he is kind of family now.
What is an example of you pushing on a string?
My own skills. They need more time to develop. Although Tai might say to himself: "Don't be such a slow learner, Tai". I'll just stick to it, no matter if I am slow or fast.
What do you think you need to do to get the wisdom to know the difference?
Following your insight closely. Make war with a multitude of counselors. Read some books on personality analysis.